I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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