all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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