I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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