T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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