dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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