It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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