This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
