you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need to calm my uterus...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
