Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
