What did we do last night that was yellow?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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