You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
