Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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