Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The air was thick with penises
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
