clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
