We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
wow bdsm is so cute
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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