she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
