tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
