just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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