Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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