Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
