I think I died a long time ago.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
