Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
