Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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