cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
