is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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