is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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