I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
