After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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