Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
