wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
