i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This toilet bowl is my home.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
