i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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