Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
