I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think people are normalizing furries
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
