what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
