from now on my penis is your penis
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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