Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
