That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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