Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
