He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
