her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
