and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
