just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
