i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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