it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
