it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
