Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
