i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
