she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
