what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
