Nicole vs. Life
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
