I'm sorry my penis didn't work
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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