i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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