He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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