my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
