for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
