I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
